The Day I Cried

    I have not cried since I was about the age of seven, that was when I was too afraid to be my own on the first day of school. I was a tough person, who never showed my tough moments in public, not even my closest friends or even my family. But still, I never expected this day to come. This of all days.

     I was standing by a procession in a church.

    ‘Andrew was a good boy,’ said the priest, his voice ringing across the church hall, and over the sobs of those who came to pay respect.

    ‘He may not be the best in class in school,’ he continued. ‘But he was a devout Christian, and that is no less important than his education. Those who knew him, me myself included, agreed that he came to offer help whenever it’s needed, regardless of whomever needed it.’ ‘God recalled Andrew for a purpose. Andrew may not be with us any longer, but his spirit will continue to watching over us.’ The priest paused for a moment, and said, ‘God rest his soul.’

    When he concluded his speech, the weeping and wailing became even louder. I cold not stand the intense atmosphere any longer, and I ran out into churchyard. ‘Why did I do it?’ I kept asking myself. ‘Andrew gave up his life for me, because of my stupid actions.’ I felt my eyes starting to water, but I told myself to stay strong, for him. I could still remember that fateful day, the day that had ended it all.

    It was a beautiful evening. Andrew and I were having our weekly track team practice. We were both members of the school team, and were the best. The two of us were inseparable, and we were more like brothers than anything else. Yet I was the cocky one, and I always had the desire to be the best. Although Andrew was my best pal, I always challenged him to races, hoping one day I would surpass him. Andrew and for the sake of others, he never took advantage of people, nor ever asked for anything in return. That day, I once challenged Andrew to a race.

    ‘Andrew, let’s have the ol’ warm up, shall we?’ I asked.

    ‘Not again, Sean,’ Andrew replied, rolling his eyes. ‘Don’t you ever get tired?’

    ‘What,’ I shot at him. ‘Chicken now is it?  You were always coward, Andrew. If you didn’t step in, people will never respect you.’ I sneered.

    ‘Who’s a chicken?’ Andrew replied, his temper rising. ‘The one who won’t run or the one who can’t? You’ll never win over me Sean, forget it.’

    ‘Humph,’ I grunted. ‘Bet you can’t catch up with the Champion, old friend.’

    The Champion, that’s what I used to call myself. But that is history now.

    ‘Fine, Sean. Just this once.’ He grinned.

    ‘Race you to old lamp post down the street!’ I yelled, sprinting as if there were ten dogs on my tail.

    ‘Cheater!’ he yelled back. He was fast, I thought as Andrew closed the gap between us, but I was faster. And I ran with all the strength I had.

    We reached an intersection. I crossed first, Andrew was right on my tail. But just then, a car shot out from nowhere the moment Andrew ran across the road. Then I saw it happen. The scene wan instantly burned into my mind. Blood splattering all across the road, and there lying unconscious on the road was my best buddy.

    ‘Andrews condition isn’t good,’ the doctor said when he came out of the operating room. ‘He’s in a coma, and we have to place him in ER.’ After a moment, he said, ‘I hope you would prepare for the worst.’ After saying so, he turned away.

    Andrew was in a coma for a month. I came to visit him everyday. I tried act as if everything was alright, but I knew I could not do that, not with the guilt in me. Deep inside, I knew it was my fault that he was lying there. ‘I provoked him,’ I thought. ‘I should be the one lying there, not him.’ Every time I saw his unconscious face, depending wholly on the life support equipment to stay alive, my heart bled profusely. No words could describe the pain I felt, no deed could erase the wrong I did, because of me he was lying there, because of me he had to fight for his life.

    Then one night, the phone rang. Right that moment, I knew something was amiss. ‘No one calls at this hours,’ I thought, as I reached for the phone. Then I held the speaker next to my ear, I heard someone saying, ‘Hello, is this Sean?’ There were sobs at every word. ‘This is Andrew’s mother. I afraid I have to some bad news. Andrew, he’s, he’s gone.’ And she broke down. I couldn’t believe it, the phone slipped from my hands and I slumped on the couch. No! No! My heart screamed. I waned to kill myself, to do anything else to ease this ache. But I knew it wouldn’t help. Nothing could.

    ‘Sean?’ Someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Andrew’s mother. ‘Are you alright?’ she asked. I could see her eyes were still crying and her hands were shaking.

    ‘No, I’m fine, I’m fine.’ But just that moment, I could not stand the anguish any longer. I hugged her tightly and cried. ‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,’ I said amidst crying.

    ‘It’s alright, he knows.’ She patted my head and cried with me. From then on, I knew, I was forgiven.

Sean Ang Choon Hong